Everyone has a flaky friend; out of all my friends, its me.
It's not that I want to be a flake or that I don't want to hang out with my friends + be social, its just that sometimes I don't have it in me. The reason why? Because I'm an introvert + don't feed off of socialization. My social battery drains fast, meaning after socializing for an hour (or more on a good day), I am ready to shut down. So when I finally do agree to a night out or some other insanely crowded function, I usually regret it after a few hours.
Constantly talking for hours is draining. Being around tons of people for too long is draining. I am truly the friend that is happiest at home with a good book to read or tv show to watch. I am perfectly OK watching all the fun via my friends' Snapchat, lol. But the problem with not being a social person is that it's extremely hard to maintain relationships. Nobody wants to make plans with someone who always flakes, I get it. The weird thing is that even though I know I won't follow through with the plans, I still want to be invited. Is that selfish?
I guess you could say it's a combination of social anxiety + introversion. I struggle with wanting to be around people, but also wanting to be comfortable + at ease at the same time. Unfortunately, it's hard to have both of these things simultaneously and I usually have to sacrifice one for the other. Sometimes my desire to be around people wins, so I go ahead with the plans; while other times, my desire to be at ease wins + I flake. Its 50/50.
So to my friends, I'm sorry that I flake sometimes + I'm sorry that being social drains me. But I promise I am working on it + finding a comfortable balance. Please don't stop inviting me places, just be patient with me. Just because I'm not a social butterfly doesn't mean that I'm not a good person + an even better friend. I may not always want to hang out, but I will always have a shoulder for you to cry on + open ears to listen.